Use That Hip-Hop Down Beat

This morning, my alarm went off to Disco Saturday Morning. One would think that would be enough to get me out of bed.

WRONG!

I just hit snooze. About a half-hour later, Tank the Kitten was pawing at my door, and meowing to let me know that his day was not complete without his human. So, another five minutes of making him wait (I am a lady, after all), and I rolled outta bed.

Things aren't as heavy as they were jesterday. I've still got a lot on my mind, but I think I'll put that on hold while I go do my hip-hop workout.

HOLLLLA!

Sleep is a reconciling

A rest that Peace begets.

I should definitely be asleep. I've been tired (and slightly moody) all day. Yet, I went out to sushi with roomie. I then followed that up with after hours at Extreme, leaving there sometime around midnight. I've been up checking out new music and videos. And, though I've made some great finds, it doesn't negate the fact that I'm still up at 2:30 AM.

I have a million things running through my mind. I've been thinking about my family* and all of the sadness that has befallen us lately. I'm trying to dertermine if a friend is challenging me or causing discontentment within me. I'm struggling with death and life and expectations. I need to read the Word, and stop strutting around in this mental mire.

Okay, I'm off to that. Possibly Phil 4:4-8.... rejoice in the Lord alway, and again I say rejoice. Let your gentleness be made know to all, the Lord is at hand. Do not be anxious for anything, but in everything, with prayer and petition, let your requests be made known God. And the peace of God, which surpasses your heart and mind in Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever is pure, whatever is good, whatever is nobel, if there is anything praiseworthy, mediate on these things.

Oh, even that memorized portion has lifted my spirit. Thank You, Jesus.






(note: must call Tina to check on game schedule; then must call sister before she disowns me again).

Ch-ch-changes

I have to make some changes. I know I said that yesterday, but as I sit on this conference call with a merchant who refuses to use her brain, it's become all the more clear.

I have a few goals in mind that I'd put out there, as an accountability of sorts. Here they go:

*Lose 30 lbs
*Get my transcripts from college & determine how many units are still viable
*Return to college this fall (2008)
*Get a job closer to home
*Cell phone
*save $1000
*get a new (or new to me) car

Without goals, I'm aimless.

So, regarding these goals:
*I've already lost 40lbs, and am starting up a new workout regimen. I have another blog going for that one that which includes calorie counting and workout strategy.

Okay, that's going to have to be it for now, because the call has ended and it's back to keying deals.

Ciao!

Time Isn't On Our Side

Well, I found out on Saturday that my aunt Toi died...last November.

Yeah, you read that correctly. It's a long story, but my dad's an alcoholic, and is estranged from his brother. However, I've always kept in contact with my Aunt Toi and Uncle Fred (and my cousins). Granted, I'm not the most consistent, but I make sure to call a few times a year. My uncle tried to get in contact with us earlier, but I guess my aunt had our numbers in her yahoo contact section, and he didn't know her password. It's strange that hackers can get our most personal information, but a spouse couldn't get even past the password.

Anyway, it's made me re-evaluate how I spend my time. I love to spend time with my family, but I get so distracted. I'm the kind who will be down to hang out any time, but if you don't call me, it doesn't happen. Most of my free time (ie, time not at work) is unplanned, except for choir practice on Tuesday nights and Bible Study on Wednesday evening and Sunday morning. Everything else is wide open to suggestion, and that's how I roll.

But the fact that my aunt has been in heaven for four months now makes me think about things differently. I need to be more purposeful with my time, and not just go with the flow. I realize that, if I just go with the flow, I'm not going in any particular direction- I'm aimless. And that is just unacceptable.

I'm really praying about how to go about changing. I've started in another area, and this one is even more important. I guess that's how things go, though. Baby steps. My first one was emailing my sister in law for my nieces' softball schedule. I want to make sure I'm at every game on the weekend, and as many as I can make on the weekdays. If she doesn't email me back, then I'm going to stop by tomorrow after work. That's another thing. They live around the corner, and I don't see them nearly enough. I was raised to call before going to visit. My brother doesn't have this rule, though, and it's tough to break these things that are so ingrained. However, I am determined to make changes, and this has to be one of them.

There are more little epiphanies, but Aunt Toi's death coupled with the death of Laurie (my step-brother's mom), has left me drained. I'm grateful, because both were lovers of Jesus. I know they are with Him even now, and that gives me peace and joy. But my heart aches. It's hard, because I'm generally a very upbeat person, so it's very noticable when I'm not doing as well. If I were the meloncholy type, or just regular in emotions, I don't think anyone would notice. But I usually have a smile on my face at all times, so when that is gone, people want to know why. I appreciate the concern my friends (and sometimes acquaintances) have for me. BUT- like my smile used to be, my tears come just as easily these days. I'm tired of crying, but I know that is part of mourning. So, I'll endure the pain and persevere, and I know that "joy will come in the morning." Which morning, I'm not sure. But it will come.

Time. We always think we have enough, but it's amazing how easily it slips through our fingers.

still silent

sitting here
sitting here alone
sitting here alone and
all alone I sit

still silent sorrowful
sympathetic songs serenade
strums and sirens seem soothing
still, silently sorrowful

sitting here
siting her alone
sitting here alone
and all alone I stay